The Time to Love
by RemusRox
Summary: Tonks is heartbroken that Remus still won't give love a chance. Remus is stubborn and doesn't want to lose someone he loves again. My first fic ever. From the perspective of Tonks before and during HBP.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first fanfic. Be gentle.**

**I don't own anything. J.K. Rowling owns the world… and everything Harry Potter.**

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The cold night air permeated her skin and sent a chill straight to her heart. She hesitantly stepped out into the dark alleyway. Though there were no lights she knew the path well enough to find her way without them. The alley seemed to go on forever until finally she emerged in clearing. She could now see everything clearly because of an unnatural light coming from above her. She squinted up and saw a full moon peeking out from between the tops of the huge trees. Just as she was beginning to wonder where she was she heard a howl of pain to her right. She jerked her head to see what had made the noise, but she couldn't make out anything. Her mind was working quickly and she realized that a full moon and a howl were not a good combination. She turned around, searching for a way out, but the trees were too close together. The space where she had entered was now blocked by a huge oak. Every way she turned was closed off.

The howl came again, louder this time, closer. Frantically she threw herself against the trees and pushed until the lowest branches broke. She fell face first onto a familiar path. Behind her she could hear something running towards her. Quickly, she ran down the path, desperately trying to get away from the danger. She didn't know exactly where she was going, but somehow she knew she'd be safe when she got there. The creature howled again. Daring a glance she saw a great black shadow barely a meter behind her. Before the fear could paralyze her she ran into something and fell over. Keeping her eyes closed she waited for the creature to attack her. When no attack came she began to breathe again. A distinct scent filled her nostrils. She couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was. Opening her eyes she looked up into a friendly face.

"Tonks. What's wrong?"

She opened her mouth to say something but before she could an obnoxious alarm went off.

Tonks jumped up from her bed and tripped on the blanket wrapped tightly around her legs. She stumbled into her bedside table and felt a sting she knew would be a great ugly bruise by the end of the day. After untangling herself she carefully walked around the piles of clothes on the floor to her bathroom. She stared into her reflection. She didn't need a light to see the change that had come over her. A few months ago her hair had been as bright as her mood, but now it was bland. She no longer wanted to draw attention to herself. What was the point anyway? She had tried and failed.

It wasn't as if she had never been rejected before. It was just that this time it hurt so much more. She tried to tell herself that she was sad because of Sirius. But in her heart she knew it was so much more than that. She hadn't known him long before he was taken away, but it still hurt a lot. There were so many others that had known him longer than she had. Their hurt must be unbearable. Harry would be suffering more than the rest. It didn't help that he had to stay at his aunt and uncle's for the first few weeks. From what she knew about them they weren't exactly sympathetic towards Harry. He really didn't have anyone to talk to, but Remus did.

Remus. That name made her heart ache. He wouldn't even look at her anymore. She had tried and tried to talk to him. She had sent owls to him. When Order meetings were adjourned he was always the first to leave. His actions were frustrating her. Molly had tried consoling her, but nothing helped. Remus wouldn't change his mind.

It wasn't a surprise to her when she started having reoccurring dreams. She felt lost and alone. The ministry was in constant motion, but not even Death Eater attacks could effectively distract her from the pain she felt. If anything the long hours at the office had made things worse. The extra hours just gave her more time to dwell on her thoughts. With each attack her heart stopped a moment. Each time she was certain it was him. Each time died a little. There was no relief because the next report could be worse.

This constant dread had made it impossible to sleep. When she did sleep her mind was plagued with these nightmares. Sometimes she paced around her apartment just to ward off the dreams she knew would come with sleep.

The ringing of the alarm brought her back to earth. It was another day. Another long day at the ministry. There was an Order meeting that night. The thought of seeing Remus brought hope and despair.

She turned the alarm off and found a clean pair of pants and a shirt with a questionable stain on the floor. Yes, it was another day, she thought. Maybe today would be different from the rest. Maybe today he would come to his senses.

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**Yay, my first chapter. I'll post the next chapter tomorrow. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry I didn't post anything yesterday, my computer hates me. **

**Still don't own anything. On to the next chapter.  
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Tonks had only a momentary glance at the atrium of the ministry before reporters rushed over to her begging for information. The first morning this had happened she had fallen over into the fountain. Ever since Voldemort had made his appearance at the ministry reporters had mobbed every ministry worker the minute they Apparated into work. Though the presence of the media hadn't changed, their questions had. This week it was all about the recent murder of Amelia Bones and Emmeline Vance. There was also that bridge collapse and the giants stomping around the country. And, as if that weren't enough, the Dementors were now breeding.

She finally got to the security desk after pushing her way past the crowd and threatening to hex half of them. Security had been increased and instead of the one lone guard there were now five ready to attack at any moment. She nodded to the guard behind the desk and he waved her by. Like five guards could really stop Voldemort and his Death Eaters, she thought.

The lifts weren't as crowded as they had been before. Now most ministry workers were spending the majority of their time outside of the office. It didn't make sense for them to sit behind a desk doing paperwork when they could be out raiding and arresting. When the lift finally stopped at Level Two Tonks strode out before the voice had even begun it's statement. She barely noticed the enchanted windows. They had been changed from a dreary downpour to a bright sunny day in the hopes that they might cheer people up. Fat chance a fake window will cheer up any of us, she thought. She stopped as she got to the rows of cubicles and readied herself for any bad news.

Slowly she made her way past vacated cubicles to her own empty one. It looked the same way it had before Sirius died. She hadn't had the heart to take any of her photos down. Maybe it was because they reminded her of a better time, or maybe it was because she didn't want to put any effort into anything anymore. Whatever the reason, the photos remained.

She sat in her chair, pulled the closest stack of reports over to herself and began looking for any lead she could find. There were many reports these days. Most were just from people misinterpreting their neighbors odd behavior. Occasionally she'd find something that reeked of Death Eater activity. She had barely begun to look at the first report when a long shadow came over her desk. When she looked up she saw a friendly face looking down at her.

"Kingsley! It's so good to see you." It was good to see him. He was one of the few people she liked at the ministry. His recent assignment had taken him away from the office leaving her to sit alone in her cubicle with no one to share a laugh with. "How's the Minister of Muggles?"

"All this Death Eater activity has really taken a toll on him. It's taken a toll on us all." He gave her a meaningful look. She knew he was concerned about her, but she didn't feel like sharing her innermost feelings with anyone. Besides, Molly had probably put him up to it.

"Yes. Well these are difficult times."

"True. We shouldn't shun the ones we care about, or the ones that care about us."

Tonks looked away. Kingsley always had a way of knowing exactly what was bothering her. She could feel the soft sting of tears forming behind her eyes. Blinking she attempted to reply, but she was saved the trouble by an annoying voice.

"Yes yes. The minister will of course agree that _they_, of all _things_, should be rounded up and locked away."

Tonks and Kingsley crept quietly over to the edge of the cubicle and looked over it to confirm what they already knew. Standing with her back to them was Dolores Umbridge. She appeared to be in conversation with an Auror obscured by his desk.

"Well I told Fudge before he was dismissed that keeping _them _away from civilized society was the best idea. He agreed, of course."

"He always was an idiot," said Tonks under her breath. Her hatred for that woman was deep and unwavering. The way she had treated Harry was inexcusable, and so was the way she treated others wasn't too great either.

"Scrimgeour is a busy man, of course, and he mustn't be troubled with these simple matters. I trust that you will take the appropriate action."

"What is she talking about?" Tonks said, but she soon had her answer.

"What do you mean there's no justification? You, of all people, should be familiar with the name Fenrir. They are a vile race if you ask me. Can't you see that if we allow werewolves to roam among us we're just asking for trouble. They could attack at any moment and you would be content to let them?"

It was all clear to Tonks now. Umbridge was trying to pass more anti-werewolf legislation. Tonks reached for her wand, but Kingsley stopped her.

"Hexing her won't exactly help his cause."

"You're right, but it would make me feel better."

"Tonks…."

"Oh ok. It's just that she's so unfair. I never really hated someone until I met her." Kingsley chuckled. "Ok, well maybe I am a bit partial. I just can't understand why she's such a-" A paper airplane hit her forehead before she could finish. Kingsley opened it up, read it and sighed.

"I'm needed back at the other ministry. Take care of yourself Tonks." He waved goodbye to Tonks as he made his way to the lifts.

Tonks sat down again and tried to go over a report, but had no luck. Her mind was racing with all the hexes she could use on Umbridge. How dare the woman talk about people like that! Her mental rant was interrupted by a report of suspicious activity in Knockturn Alley. She stared at the photo on her desk. It was made when she was accepted into Auror training. Her mother and father waved happily beside her. She stood in the middle holding a letter high above her head in a triumphant gesture. It was made in happier times and there was something about it that always gave her hope when she seemed to have none. Tonks made sure she never left without looking at that photo, in case she didn't have a chance to look at it again.

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**Thanks for reading.**

**Tomorrow I might have time to write the next chapter in creative writing. Let's keep our fingers crossed.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three already. ****Wow.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. J.K. Rowling owns these characters, this universe, anything and everything Harry Potter related. So… she owns about 75 of my brain.**

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Knockturn Alley was as dismal looking as it had always been. Tonks never understood why some of the shops were allowed to stay open when they were so clearly focused on the Dark Arts. The Ministry's recent raids had scared a few of them into shutting down, but many still remained. The report said that there seemed to be recent activity in an abandoned store. Tonks knew that there had been a lot of activity in this area lately, so she suspected the report wasn't another false lead. The tricky part about these reports were that by the time they reached her whoever was there had Apparated off somewhere. She still went to check it out. The person that was there might have accidentally left something that might give the Ministry some information.

When she came to the store in question it became obvious that there had been some activity there recently. The boarded up windows showed that the store hadn't been in business in a long time, but by the looks of the shattered glass littering the street it had been occupied recently.

Tonks waved her wand and the slowly door opened. She tried to avoid walking on the glass as she made her way inside. Immediately her nose was clogged with the strong scent of mold and mildew. Tonks had learned from experience that Death Eater's weren't exactly careful. The fact that whoever had been there hadn't bothered to cover up their tracks illustrated an arrogant and careless personality, two great Death Eater traits.

With a wave of her wand she opened the door. From her position on the narrow street she could tell it was pitch black on the inside of the store. "Lumos," she whispered as she carefully stepped over the broken glass towards the door. The light from her wand illuminated the whole room. It had once been a bookstore, though there were now only four or five books left now. The thick layer of dust showed shoe imprints leading from the door and up the stairs. Tonks stood for a moment and contemplated. If someone was still there she might be able to take him by herself. If there was more than one person it wouldn't be wise to barge in on them. She listened. In an old building like this any little movement, even breathing, would make something creak. She couldn't hear anything. Trying to make as little noise as possible she stepped lightly on each board and slowly put her weight down on it.

Holding her breath, she tried to steady her heartbeat before she made her way up the stairs. Just before her foot touched the first step she remembered a spell she had learned in Auror training that could muffle footsteps. After she performed the spell silently she began climbing the stairs. The ascent was excruciating. She kept stopping to calm herself and listen for any noises. At each step she expected to trip on her robes and fall down the stairs on her face.

When she got to the top of the stairs she saw that the tracks went into a large room to her right. The door to the room had been removed and from what she could see from the landing it must have served as the store office. It appeared to be empty, but she couldn't see on either side of the door. Holding her breath she jumped into the room and spun around, ready to cast a hundred hexes. Her fear had been for nothing. As she looked around she realized that there was almost no dust on the floor and it looked like the fireplace had been used recently.

Suddenly there was a loud creak right behind her head. She yelped and cast a stunning spell. A big old tawny owl fell to the floor with a thud that Tonks was sure could be heard all the way to the Leaky Cauldron. Frantically she revived the owl, which gave a loud angry hoot as thanks before it flew up to it perch in the rafters again.

"I'm sorry!" she whispered. It gave her a very disgruntled look before flying off.

Turning her attention to the rest of the room Tonks took in every little detail. There was one battered table pushed against the wall. As Tonks got closer she saw random names etched into the wood. She turned to the only other object in the room.

The fireplace had been used recently because the strong smell of burnt wood still hung around it. Bending down she examined the remains of the fire and realized that whoever had been there hadn't been burning wood. Prodding the paper with her wand she saw what looked like letters and maps. Not wanting to spend anymore time in the place she conjured a bag with her wand and swept the remnants of the papers into it.

Standing up she took one last look around the room and ran down the stairs, not stopping until she had passed all the hideous store windows and found herself safely in Diagon Alley. As she stopped to catch her breath surveyed the street. Suddenly she felt the extreme changes that had taken over the world. She had intended on getting a quick drink at the Leaky Cauldron to calm her nerves, but changed her mind when she found herself standing beside Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour. No, not even Diagon Alley was safe anymore, and she didn't know when it would be safe again.

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Back at the Ministry Tonks quickly sifted over the fragments of paper before turning them into the head of her department. The papers were so charred she really couldn't get much information out of them. The few things she could decipher didn't seem very important, but she made a mental note to share them at the Order meeting later that night.

Tonks leaned back in her chair as she thought about the meeting that night. At the last meeting Remus practically ran over Moody trying to get out. She wasn't sure how she'd stop him from leaving this time. It wasn't like she could just tackle him, though the idea of wrestling him to the ground in front of the entire Order was amusing.

Tonks was startled out of her daydream by the sudden appearance of Arthur Weasley at her desk.

"Arthur! What are you doing here? I thought you were really busy busting all those fake talisman dealers."

"Yes. That has been keeping me busy. You won't believe what people would buy. Just today I saw a chicken skull-" He began waving his arms in anger and stopped his tangent when he saw the paper bag clutched in his right hand. "Oh yes. I came here to give you this." He set the bag down on Tonks' desk.

Hesitantly Tonks opened the bag and peeked inside it.

"Molly sent it over. She thought you might like a homemade meal. I'm sorry it's a little late. I hadn't expected the raid this morning to take so long."

"Th-Thanks Arthur. Tell Molly I really appreciate it." The thought that Molly had gone to the trouble of sending over lunch made the tears from that morning reappear suddenly. Molly was one of the few people who knew what was really bothering Tonks.

"You know you can come over anytime you need to."

Instead of saying anything she just nodded.

"Well, I have a lot of work to do. Take care Tonks."

She didn't look up until she was sure Arthur had left. The Weasley's were so kind. These days Tonks spent more time with Molly and Arthur than her own parents. Wiping her face she glanced at her watch and realized that her lunch had been over for almost three hours. The small paper bag contained a slightly squashed ham sandwich and some of her wonderful fudge.

The meal didn't tempt her though. She didn't feel hungry anymore so she had to rely on clocks to tell her when her body needed food. The problem was that when she finally got around to preparing a meal she didn't have the will power to force herself to eat it. It was really nice of Molly to make her this meal, but even the smell of that delicious fudge couldn't pique her interest in food.

A Dementor sighting that needed her urgent attention successfully distracted Tonks from her train of thought. She tossed the untouched meal into the trash bin before hastening off again.

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Tonks cursed under her breath as she trudged up to the door. She was tempted to just go home and skip that nights meeting. The embarrassment she would face when she walked into the Order meeting and every head turned to look at her was almost equal to the pain of being mauled by a manticore.

She held her fist up to knock but didn't made contact with the door. What if she interrupted some really important report? What if she tripped over something again? What if _he _was there? What if she had to sit beside him? What if they couldn't look at each other? What if she fell on him?

"Well, are you going to knock or are we going to wait out here all night?"

Tonks jumped up and fell against the door. She glanced around and saw Moody leaning on his cane, his eye wising around.

"Well, I-I. I just didn't want to interrupt the meeting."

"Interrupt the meeting?" Moody asked as he walked past her and knocked on the door. "Didn't you get the owl? Tonight's meeting is starting late. Dumbledore's off somewhere. Won't get here for another hour or two."

"No, I didn't get an owl. I was out investigating-"

"Tonks!" Came the calming voice of Molly Weasley. "How are you my dear? My you look cold. Come in, come in!"

Before Tonks fully understood what was happening she felt herself being pulled through the door, down the hall and into the meeting room. All the while Molly kept up a steady stream of inquiring questions about Tonks' health. Bill rescued her from having to answer any of them by distracting his mother with a question about dinner. Tonks backed away before Molly could begin asking more questions. She found an empty seat towards the back of the room and next to the fire. It was her favorite seat because she could keep warm and stay out of sight.

She looked around the room and saw that most of the Order was already there. Moody and Arthur were talking about Ministry business. Mundungus was telling yet another exciting tale about one of his many adventures in burglary to an attentive audience. Molly was chastising Bill about something, again. It was almost the way it had been last year, only now there was no Sirius to talk to. Since Sirius' death they'd had to find a new place to have meetings because of the whole Black family inheritance thing. Now Tonks missed the dank old walls of Grimmauld Place. Even though they were full of dark memories, they still held a few happy ones. It just wasn't the same anymore. Nothing was the same.

A large group of people entered and jolted Tonks back to reality. She looked away when she saw who was among them. As she stared into the fire she concentrated on keeping her face from going red. The scratching of chairs against the floor told her that the group was sitting down on the other side of the room. Exhaling in relief Tonks turned back to face the room. She almost fell out of her chair when she saw who was making his way to the empty chair beside her.

"Hello Nymphadora."

Tonks was almost too shocked to answer, but she found her voice in time to reply.

"Remus, you know I prefer Tonks."

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**Aww… Remus is so awesome. GO Remus!! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

**Still don't own anything. Still have no idea what will happen in book 7. Still in love with Remus… I mean… ummm….**

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Remus gave Tonks that sly smile that made her heart feel like she'd just eaten a handful of Peppermint Toads. She rejoiced at being able to control herself to give him a semi-witty reply. The likelihood that she would stutter or accidentally let out a nervous snort was increased twofold when she was in the presence of Remus.

"Yes, I know that. How could I forget?" He looked right into her eyes and sighed. That sigh summed up all the emotions she'd been feeling lately. The despair, the disappointment, the utter anguish.

"I… I…. How are you?" She managed to say.

"Well. Let's see… I've just spent the last two weeks in the dirtiest slums in Great Britain. So I can honestly say I've been better."

"Oh Remus. Just let someone else handle it. You need to be somewhere safe."

"Is anywhere safe anymore?" He said bitterly. Tonks had worried about him everyday, and seeing him now in the unflattering light of the fireplace showed her how tired he was. His hair was more grey than she remembered, and his features more worn. But he was still able to smile a little. Just a little.

"I'm sorry Tonks. I don't mean to be so depressing. How are you?"

"I'm-" But before she could answer her stomach let out a rumbling that she was sure shook the very foundations of the room. Immediately she turned a bright red.

"Hungry?" Remus offered.

"No!" He raised his eyebrows at her. "Ok, yes." He chuckled "It's not funny! I just haven't really had time to eat lately."

"Well, we'll have to change that won't we?" Remus said after a moment.

Tonks looked up at him, but he pretended no to notice and remained staring at the other side of the room.

"How?" Tonks asked.

"We can start by finding a decent meal as soon as this meeting is over, if it ever begins that is."

Tonks could hardly believe that he'd just said what he did. Could it be that Remus was finally giving in? Could it be that the man that had been haunting her dreams at night and thoughts during the day would ask her, the girl with no coordination what-so-ever, to have dinner with him? Her heart felt like it was about to explode, but in a good way, if that was possible.

"Unless you don't want to. I understand if you already have plans." Remus had now turned red. Tonks realized that the few minutes she had spent congratulating herself had made him think she didn't want to be with him.

"NO! I mean… I'd love to have dinner with you."

"Really Tonks, you don't have to be nice to me. If you don't want to-"

"I want to." Tonks said firmly. Remus had no idea how much she meant that.

For a moment their eyes met and Tonks had to restrain herself from leaping onto Remus in front of the entire Order. The door swung open and they were forced to break contact to see if Dumbledore had arrived yet. They were all disappointed to see the Weasley twins waltz through the door.

"Evening everyone!" Fred, or possibly George, shouted. The twins made their way across the room. Tonks realized that the only empty seats were beside her and that her wonderful conversation would have to be cut off by the twins. She cursed herself for not moving those extra chairs earlier.

"How's the Ministry? Still loony?" Asked George.

Tonks didn't get a chance to reply because Fred had just tripped into her knee and she now felt the full effects of the bruise she had received that morning.

"For the love of-" she began.

"Sorry Tonks. Wasn't paying attention."

"FRED! How many times have I told you-" Came the agitated voice of Mrs. Weasley.

"Oh mum, give it a rest!"

Mrs. Weasley had made her way over to the twins, no doubt in attempt to steer them to different seats in order to give Tonks and Remus more privacy.

"Why don't you too come over here. Your father would like a word with you."

"OY! DAD!" George yelled.

"George!" Molly hissed, but it was too late. Arthur was already coming to their side of the room and Tonks was beginning to wish she could throw herself in the fire.

"Everything alright back here?"

"Mum said you wanted to talk to us." said Fred.

"Molly what are you talking about?" Arthur was obviously confused as to why his wife would suddenly come up with this outrageous lie.

"Oh never mind." Molly looked around at all the faces staring expectantly at her and changed the subject quickly. "Why Remus, you look red. Let me see if you have a fever. I told Dumbledore it wasn't a good idea to send you away for so long. It's just no healthy!"

"Oh no, no. I'm just warm from the fire," Remus said as he swatted her hand away.

"Are you sure? You look slightly sweaty."

"I'm FINE Molly." Remus gave her a look in hopes of silencing her, but instead Mrs. Weasley gave Remus and Tonks a significant look and said "Ohhhhh!"

"What is it mum?" Asked Fred.

"NOTHING!" Molly said in a way that made it clear that it was definitely not nothing.

"Remus! I've been meaning to ask you…" Arthur, now realizing what was going on, started talking to Remus about recent trouble with anti-werewolf charms that had been confiscated in a desperate attempt to change the subject.

"Boys, I heard you put up some offensive signs on that… _store _of yours. I know you wouldn't be stupid enough to make yourself easy targets." By her tone Molly was about to start her speech about being responsible and staying safe.

Tonks, and the twins, were saved from having to endure a lecture by Dumbledore entering the room. A glance at the clock told Tonks it was past midnight. She looked back at Dumbledore with awe and concern. He was still able to maintain a strong aura about him, but the recent injury to his arm proved that even the best wizards have weaknesses.

Everyone took their seats and the meeting began.

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**I can't believe it's already April! There are less than 100 days until the Deathly Hallows comes out. In 100 days we'll all be able to read more about our favorite werewolf. WOOT!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

**I hate writers block. Ugh.  
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**Disclaimer: I own nothing!  
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Tonks couldn't remember being more nervous in her life than she was then. Of course, that wasn't saying much as she suddenly couldn't remember anything of importance at the moment.

She was thrilled to be sitting so close to Remus after he had basically shunned her for so long. He looked so much older now. His face had gotten more drawn out and wrinkled, while his hair was getting grayer by the second, it seemed. She knew he had been suffering since Sirius' death. She could help ease his pain if only he would let her, if only he would let anyone in.

Suddenly he looked over at her. Her face flushed. How could she have been stupid enough to stare at him like that? Why couldn't she act like a civilized and mature woman around him? _He must think I'm loony_, she thought. Remus smiled and raised his eyebrow in a curious way at her before turning back to the meeting._ If he had thought I was loony he wouldn't have smiled at me._

Determined not to be caught staring at him a second time, Tonks turned toward whoever was speaking now, but the report failed to distract her from her thoughts. The way he raised his eyebrow had made her want to melt into a puddle on the floor. Tonks suddenly realized that the clothes she was wearing had been sitting on her not-so-clean floor for ages. _When was the last time I did the wash? When was the last time I washed my hair? When was the last time I took a shower? Oh my god… I must smell like a troll! Wait, did I even brush my teeth before I left this morning? If only I could remember that minty charm for instant fresh breath. I can't remember anything when I need to! Must pay attention to the meeting…._

"We can therefore deduce, if our sources are correct and the evidence we received is accurate, that is, that prior to the recent developments…"

_Did I put on clean underwear? I wonder if he would notice if I peeked? Yes, he'd probably look over at me right as I was looking down my jeans._ Thoroughly embarrassed by the very though, Tonks nervously began trying to smooth out the wrinkles in her pants. As she was doing this she glanced over at Remus' pants. Unlike hers, they looked clean, patched and frayed, but clean.

Her eyes wandered from a sad patch on his knee to his dilapidated shoes. As she took in the scuffs and tears she realized something. Remus' shoes looked rather large. _No,_ she thought, _it must just be the shadows from the fire. A trick of the light, that's all._ Again she turned to the current speaker.

Minutes went by as she forced herself to look at anything but the shoes, until finally she gave in and looked once more. There was only one way to see just how big his feet were. She would need something to compare them to. Slowly she eased her foot along the floor until it was level with Remus'.

_Blimey,_ she thought, _that's got to be at least five inches…_

"Tonks?"

"Yeah?"

"Why are you looking at my feet?"

"I-I," She was at a loss as to what to say. The scraping of the chairs and the flutter of voices told her the meeting was over. How long had it been over? How long had she been looking at his feet? And how in the world was she going to explain this?

She was saved from having to make an excuse by Kingsley.

"Tonks, Moody would like to a word before you leave."

"Er… of course. Remus… do you- could you?"

"I'll wait for you," he said. She was glad he could translate her poor excuse for language into sensible thought.

She followed Kingsley across the room to where Moody stood looking over some papers, deep in concentration. Keeping his magical eye on the paper, he looked up at her with his normal one.

"Heard you found something in Knockturn Alley today," he growled by way of a greeting.

"Yeah… some burnt up papers."

"Could you see anything on them?"

"They were really badly burnt, but it looked almost like a map of some sort. Not sure where it was a map of, but whoever was looking at it didn't want anyone else knowing what is was."

"Maybe we'll have a better idea after it's analyzed. Until then, keep your eyes open at all times," Moody stumped off still looking at the papers in his hand.

"Tonks?" said a less gruff voice behind her. She turned to see Lupin waiting by the door for her. "You ready?"

"Yes," she said. As she followed him down the hall and out the door she prayed she wasn't about the make a fool of herself.

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**Poor Tonks, she can't help being goofy when Remus is around. It's not her fault though. After all, he is a marauder for a reason. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing.**

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The air outside was cold, but Tonks didn't feel it. All she felt was the rapid beating of her heart against her ears. As they walked she wondered if it was possible for hearts to just explode from excitement.

"Where do you want to go?" Remus asked, interrupting Tonks' nervous thoughts with his calm voice.

"Umm…," she responded. It was hard to think clearly around him, or maybe she'd just been Confunded.

"It's almost two. I doubt anything is open right now, but we could try the Three Broomsticks if you like?"

"That sounds good. I'll eat anything," indeed she was so hungry she felt like she could eat her own hand at the moment.

Remus nodded to her, stopped, then spun on the spot and disapparated with a soft pop. Tonks quickly did the same. Once the unpleasant feeling that was Apparition went away she opened her eyes and saw the Three Broomsticks in front of her. It took her about two seconds to realize it was closed. The Three Broomsticks was known to be open all hours, but because of the recent danger Rosmerta had probably thought it in everyone's best interests to close up earlier.

"Well, I can't honestly say I'm surprised," said Remus. He turned to look at her. "Why don't we just find a place to sit for awhile."

"Yeah, alright," she replied, anything to spend more time with him. They walked silently through the unnaturally chilly streets. Hogsmeade used to be a cheerful place, but now every window was covered with somber ministry posters.

They made their way up a deserted hill to a lone bench. Tonks noticed the Shrieking Shack up ahead. Remus quickly sat on the bench with his back to it. Not wanting to look at a place that was so prominent in his childhood. Tonks sat down beside Remus and looked out at Hogsmeade. From where she was sitting she could see Hogwarts. Even in the dreary fog it looked strong.

"Butterbeer?" Remus asked. Tonks looked at him and realized he was offering her a drink. She accepted it and watched as he waved his wand and a plate of sandwiches appeared on the bench between them. Tonks took one and ate almost half of it in one bite. She could feel her stomach rumbling gratefully. Beside her she could hear Remus taking his time eating. Still hungry Tonks took another. By the time Remus had finished his first Tonks had eaten a total of three sandwiches. If he thought this was odd he didn't say anything. He merely brushed the crumbs off his clothes and stood up to face Tonks.

"It has come to my attention that lately you haven't been yourself," he said in what sounded like a rehearsed tone.

"Molly put you up to this didn't she?"

"Wha- well, no, not exactly." He sighed and continued in a more relaxed way, "Look, I won't deny I'm getting tired of her cornering me whenever she can and telling me how horrible I am."

"You're not horrible-"

"Oh, I am. The moment I realized that you might have deeper feelings for me I began pushing you away."

"I noticed."

"Can you forgive me?" He looked at her with an expression of pleading and despair.

"Why would you push me away in the first place?" heart beating rapidly, Tonks suddenly regretted the sandwiches.

Remus sighed. He looked like her mother did when she told her that her hamster died.

"I pushed you away because I wanted you to change your mind about me. I thought that the less you saw of me, the less you'd think about me."

"Why?" She stood up now, wanting to be level with him. "Why would it matter how I felt?"

"Because, you may think you feel a certain way, but-"

"I don't think, I know."

"No. You don't know. Tonks… listen. You are young-"

"Not that young! Don't treat me like a child."

"-and you deserve someone better."

"What? NO!"

"Yes. Someone who can give you what you need."

"What does age have to do with anything? And why are you acting like I deserve better? You're a great person-"

"No, Tonks listen, I could never give you-"

"How do you know what I want?"

"You want someone who could make you happy."

"You _can _make me happy!"

"No, I can't!"

"Why not?"

"Because… because I'm a werewolf!"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"It has to do with everything. I can't get a job, so I wouldn't be able to provide for you."

"'Provide for me'? Remus, if I really needed something like that I would buy it myself, but money doesn't matter to me."

"And I suppose it doesn't bother you that I turn into a murderous animal once a month?"

"No, it doesn't bother me-"

"It should."

"Why?"

"Because it's not like this just affects me that one night. People hate me. They would rather see me locked up than roaming the streets. I can't even get anything to eat without being treated like an animal."

"But you aren't. And not everyone is prejudiced. Look at the Order, we all accept you for who you are. And look at all the work you've done for the Order-"

"Work? I haven't done anything."

"Yes you-"

"Not one, not a single one has been convinced. I'm reminded everyday that I will fail this mission because nothing I can say or do will convince them that coming over to our side will be worth it. Believe it or not, they prefer freedom to oppression. I haven't made a bit of difference."

"Yes you have! You've talked to them. That's more than anyone else has done. I'm sure some of them feel angry now, but they'll change their mind."

"No," he spoke softly now, "I've realized how dangerous werewolves can be, how dangerous I can be."

"You're not like them."

"Maybe not, but I can see the danger I pose to anyone close to me."

"Is that why you don't want me to feel this way?"

"Yes."

"So, it doesn't matter that I don't care about you being a werewolf?"

"No."

"And it doesn't matter how you feel about me?"

He looked at her, misery etched in every detail of his face. "Move on Tonks. It'll be better this way, for both of us."

Silence. Tonks' ears were ringing as if she'd just been hit by something very heavy. She felt the familiar sting of tears and started walking away as quickly as she could.

"Wait." She heard footsteps behind her, she quickened her pace, but the tears were now starting to blur her vision, making her trip a little. A hand closed around her forearm and she felt herself being turned around. She looked up into Remus' face.

"Don't be sad Tonks, please," he murmured as he placed his hands on her cheeks and wiped away her tears. "I just want you to be happy."

"I'm only happy when I'm with you. Why can't you just allow yourself to be happy too?"

"Because, no matter how much I care about you I can't protect you from this- this thing I become."

Tonks looked up at him. Had he just admitted how he felt?

"Yes, I do care about you. More than you know." He tipped her head forward and kissed her forehead. Hours ago this would have made her pass out, but the gesture merely made her feel more miserable than before.

He pulled away and looked into her eyes. "Go home and get some rest. Put me out of your mind."

Unable to stand it any longer Tonks pulled herself away and apparated to her apartment. She kept her eyes closed for a long time. The miserable look on Remus' face etched into her eyelids.

* * *

**Aww… sadness. I think Tonks could use some chocolate. But maybe a little tea with Mrs. Weasley will make it better hint hint. **

**Keep your fingers crossed for Remus and Tonks in Deathly Hallows!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

**I own nothing.**

* * *

When Tonks had finally recovered enough to open her eyes she found that tears were flooding down her cheeks. She sat on her saggy couch and stared at the wall opposite her. But she didn't see a wall, no, all Tonks could see was Remus.

When she had first met him she thought he was great. It astounded her that he would be friends with someone like Sirius, but she soon realized the Remus had a dangerous side too. Yes, he was a werewolf, but from the beginning that hadn't bothered her. There was something else about him that she was drawn to.

She'd never been attracted to the bookish type of guy, so it was surprising to her when she started looking forward to spending time with him. She considered him a friend until she came to the shocking realization that she liked him as more than just a friend.

She remembered that night so clearly.

Tonks shook herself. No, she thought, I will not relive that now. Instead she went into her bedroom and fell into bed fully clothed. She tossed and turned and finally went to sleep, but sleep only brought more visions Remus. He was the one person she wanted to forget, but also the only person she wanted more than anything.

* * *

After three hours of inconsistent sleep Tonks contemplated the tempting idea of taking a sick day and staying in bed all day. But she didn't want to be left alone to her thoughts. She knew it would be better to just suck it up and go to work. That way she could take her mind off her pain by focusing on work. Yes, that would make everything better.

* * *

Tonks apparated to the Burrow the minute she got off of work that Friday. The rundown house was always a comfort to her because the minute she saw it she thought of the wonderful family that lived there.

She made her way to the kitchen door and before she could even raise her hand to knock it flew open. Mrs. Weasley beamed as she ushered Tonks into the empty kitchen. The scent of freshly baked cookies was thick in the air, as if Molly somehow knew Tonks would be coming.

"Sit m'dear. What can I get you? Tea? Cake? Cookies? Maybe some soup, I know how you like my potato soup."

"Nothing thanks." Tonks hadn't been hungry since she last saw Lupin. She only ate now when she felt faint.

"Tea then. Excellent choice." Molly said cheerfully as she laid what appeared to be a small mountain of cookies in front of Tonks. No one spoke as Molly busied herself with the teapot. When Molly placed two steaming cups of tea on the table she gave Tonks a stern look and said, "Don't be ridiculous! Those cookies are fresh and I know they're your favorites."

Suddenly wishing she'd gone straight home instead Tonks sighed and took a bite of a cookie. They sat in silence as Tonks slowly forced herself to eat three cookies.

"How's Arthur?" she enquired after dribbling half her tea down her shirt.

"He's fine. Another late night, but that's to be expected." Molly glanced nervously at her clock before turning back to Tonks. "How's Remus?"

Tonks took a big gulp of tea, hoping maybe she could avoid that painful subject by not acknowledging it at all.

"Now, now. There's no need to keep this to yourself. Let it out, you'll feel better." Molly patted Tonks' hand in a very motherly gesture.

It was as if Molly had said some magic word. Tonks found herself telling Molly every detail of her last conversation with Remus. When she was finished Molly passed her a tissue.

"Listen, he has lost all those he was close to, so I can understand his initial hesitation to become attached to someone. But this is no excuse for him now. He cares about you, I see it in his face every time he looks at you. I think it was good for you to have it out with him. Give him a little more time to think on it and he'll come to his senses.

"How do you reckon that?"

"Well, you told him you didn't care that he was a werewolf because you loved him for who he was. If he had any doubts about your feelings before they're gone now."

"But what if I give him time and he still won't change his mind? What do I do then?"

Molly sighed, "Then you do nothing. I'm afraid you can't make up his mind for him. He needs to realize this for himself. Sometimes you can't deny the feelings you have. It's unhealthy to isolate yourself from those you love, and especially unwise in times like these."

Tonks felt as if a Dementor was in the room. She suddenly felt what little hope she had left drain from her body. There was nothing else she could do. How long would she have to wait for Remus?

"But," said Mrs. Weasley with a mischievous grin. "I do believe I could arrange for you two to come to dinner on the same nights. Seeing you might encourage him to see the error in his ways." Molly obviously thought that this would cheer up Tonks, but instead it made her feel worse.

"I don't think I could sit through dinner knowing he doesn't want to be with me."

"Oh Tonks! It won't be that bad-it'll be-" but what it would be Tonks didn't find out because at that moment Dumbledore and Harry arrived.

Not wanting to share her sorrows with anyone else Tonks made her excuses and left.

* * *

**I know it's been awhile since an update, but I've just been busy. Plus, I wasn't exactly jumping for joy after reading book seven, so I'm just going to say now that I'm going to be disregarding the majority of what happens in that book. Yes, I do plan on continuing this story well into book seven.**


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